2. Kate Upton — my god, she’s only 19 something, and she is UTTERLY GORGEOUS! I mean, I thought it was just hype, but she is the real deal. And she looks AMAZING in a bikini, or a dress, or whatever. And those that have objections about her tweets and her risque’ pics — of course she’s gonna post crazy ass status updates: She’s still just a KID! She’s gonna be doing crazy stuff for a long time to come.

3. Downton Abbey — Granted, I saw all the Series 2 stuff already, but scanning it again on PBS keeps reminding that this is period drama on crack for me. Bates and Anna, Matthew and Mary, I mean, take your pick, there’s something for everyone upstairs and downstairs and everything in between. It’s almost like methodone for me until Mad Men comes back on the air in about a month or so…

2. Buying Adele’s CDs and then ripping them into my computer and finally laying them into my iDevices officially means that I am really, really fucking old. Or, stuck in 2003.

3. While at Target, I noticed that Ottomans are getting bigger and becoming giant storage bins. Are Ottomans the “new” couch? Must investigate further…;)

2. My father likes brewing his own tea nowadays. Of course, this makes us unique. But in reality, it means we’ve become douche dim-sum assholes.

3. Let’s dispel the mystery — the stamps they put on your bill is absolutely meaningless. If you’re anything but Chinese, you’re going to be paying 30% more on your bill than I ever will…;)

2. Sometimes a Chinese person really can make breaded eggplant like an Italian mother.

3. Sharing a midnight snack of leftover chicken tenders with my dad is about as surreal as it gets…;)

2. Eating a whole lot of Shwarma anything is going to give you a major food coma.

3. Watching a funeral memorial online on a live stream might not be like going to one, but it’s getting pretty damn close…;)

Pros:

1.  The visuals are amazing. Most theater-goers will probably critique the overuse of slo-mo action sequences that practically drip from every frame of this film.  But the fantasy worlds that Baby Doll and Co. inhabit while “battling” to get the things they need are sequences of utter beauty.  The filme literally transports you to places that are both strange and familiar, and in this context, makes the sequences quite enjoyable.  It’s almost like fusion cooking meets fusion cinema, so if you’re into that sort of thing, this will definitely grab your eyeballs.

2.  The actresses look HOT. Structure is thin, plot is fantastical, but the overall sex appeal that is inherent here works pretty darn well.  Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung — whether they’re in the reality of the asylum, or in the fantasy of a burlesque/sex parlor — look really hot doing whatever it is they’re doing.  but don’t let the tight bustiers and legs fool ya, these actresses bring the best of what they’ve got and you will find yourself rooting for them in the course of the film.

3.  Hot women shooting guns and blowing shit up. This probably should go with the above reason, but I feel that it deserves it’s own category.  The actresses look and feel like they really do use these guns and swords as if it’s second nature.  Plus, its an action film where the men are the weak ones, and women are the true force to be reckoned with, which makes for a nice role reversal of sorts in this type of hybrid-genre.

Cons:

1.  It already feels TOO familiar. We’ve seen this all before:  a girl struggles to come to terms with her fate, and then does something about it before it’s too late.  The hero journey is also mixed in with this film, and that too feels like it’s something that’s been done to death before.  Also, if it were to have come out before “Inception”, I would have said that this film breaks ground in the idea of layered storytelling.  However, it’s a few months past, so now it feels more like a combination of “Alice in Wonderland” meets “Inception”.

2.  It’s live action that should have been a cartoon. Sometimes animation can get away with things that live-action cannot, and this film falls into that category.  There’s a balance between being too visceral and too over the top, and 45 minutes into the film, it’s just too much.  The film itself is trying to send out a message, but it gets lost in itself which then makes the audience go through the motions of the hero’s journey even though we already know the outcome.  Again, this film would have been better if it was a Japanese anime than flesh’n blood actors, simply for the fact that the genre itself feel better suited in that arena, where fantasy and escapism is expected in the shadings and harsh lines of that type of animation.

3.  The ending goes out with a whimper. Again, I won’t give it away, but the ending feels like it was supposed to be as anti-climactic as it felt.  Then again, if everything was so hyper-intense, and you leave the audience with something so plain, it begs to question why I have been on this two-hour journey in the first place.  Don’t get me wrong:  if you ever see it, you’ll understand what I mean.  It’s just that something in the back of my mind is telling me that it could have been done better.  It just needed a little more gas to get it to where it needed to go.

In Short:

The film is visually stunning, but lacks the substance to keep the whole thing from coming apart.  Hot looking women shooting guns might be enough for some, but I expect more from Snyder at this level of the game.  This film will play great in the background, and has some really cool action sequences, but if you need more, then you might need to go elsewhere…

Pros:

1.  Bradley Cooper for the ladies and Abbie Cornish for the guys. Say what you want about plot, plausibility and the overall character development — this is a good looking cast and they’re not afraid to flaunt that in your face as a marketing point.  I mean, we don’t go to the movies to see ugly people, right?  You can nod softly, I won’t tell.

2.  Lots of PG-13 rated sex. I got to admit, I think this movie would have been even more awesome if it was a hard R with visual sex delight on the screen.  But I’ll give the director credit in designing angles where you see sex is happening, but it’s blocked out in a very stylistic way so that you don’t even see it happening, even though you know it’s happening.  It’s like porn for hard-core Christians — there’s a loophole for everything.

3.  The fantasy sells itself. What person in their right mind wouldn’t want to take a drug that makes you insanely smart and charming at the same time?  It’s so hyper-unrealistic that it completely indulges our fantasies of what is possible.  And isn’t cinema the right medium for this escape?  I certainly think so.

4.  The scenes are exciting and keeps you interested. I don’t want to give too much away, but I will say that a certain “vampire” scene where Bradley goes to his dark side is hilarious and awesome at the same time.  And sometimes that’s enough:  awesome situations that look awesome on film that blow the audience’s mind.  How could they do that?  Whoa, there goes two hours of your life.

Cons:

1.  The plot is practically Swiss cheese. Okay, so we don’t exactly get to see how the drug works on everyone else, or why it was developed in the first place, or if its something that makes you so smart, why wouldn’t the first people figure out how to get more of it?  Better yet, why wouldn’t they be able to connect the dots and figure out what makes it tick?  Too many questions to ponder once you leave the theater.

2.  Tangents in the film don’t make sense. Again, without giving anything away, Bradley’s character gets involved with other subplots that seem to be raised and dropped on a whim.  They’re supposed to support the main plot in some way, but end up just making things convoluted or too easy to get out of.  Hey, no script is perfect, but I think they could have done better to raise the stakes.

3.  Although the hero wins, you think he should’ve lost in some way. Its great to see a protagonist triumph, and again, without giving anything away, it just felt like the last 10 minutes of the film allowed for a justification in the fact that here was someone that went through so much, and although he had an arc, he ultimately didn’t learn anything at all.  Shouldn’t hubris be the lesson taught and not the lesson conquered?

Verdict:

For me, I really thought the film was a great escape, and I can’t wait for it to come out on cable and DVD.  The lighting and coloring of the film was also fantastical, and although it will probably still come through on the small screen, seeing a digital print of this film is a pretty cool experience too.  If you need a reason to get out of the house, you can do worse than spend some time and cash on this trippy flick…

I for one am glad that at least some pieces of tech you don’t have to worry about.  My computer, iPhone, and even my DirecTV all handle it themselves.  This makes me really happy for some reason.  It says to the universe that yes, daylight savings is bullshit, but we will make it easier on our owners nonetheless.  To that kind of automation, I thank you.

Now, if there were a way to get my parents to set their own fraking clocks forward, I’d be a happier camper.

The other thing that always gets me is that I’ve voluntarily lost an hour, which also gives me a kind of subliminal jet-lag that’s hard for me to shake for a few days after we make this unnecessary adjustment.  I’m guilty of feeling tired and hungry at the wrong times, and drift through the day in a haze of “What the Fuck” crossed with a dose of “Where the hell did my Sunday go?”  My lethargy level is such that I actually watched 30 minutes of “The Core”, a piece of shit film that doesn’t deserve 30 minutes of viewing let alone 30 seconds.  For that, I am also ashamed that my will was not strong enough to change that channel.  That, and it was on SyFy channel, so it wasn’t even on premium cable, which means that I also watched it with commercials.  My god, somebody put me out of my misery.

But to make the connections come full circle, I had planned for all this to happen.  I knew that I would get less than anything done this weekend, so I decided to watch “Battle Los Angeles” late Friday night.  If you follow my twitter, my critique in 140 characters or less was about an adequate review of a film that borrows from so many movies that to call it a rip-off of plots of other films would be an understatement.  But then again, Michelle Rodriguez and Aaron Eckhart were in it, so how could I possible say no.  Apparently, lots of other people felt the same way, as it was easy for this film to defeat the competition this weekend, as if “Mars Needs Moms” ever stood a chance in the first place.  The people have spoken:  Enough with the feel-good alien stories.  We want to see them blown up, glazed to hell, and hopefully, god willing, by American military forces.  It’s too bad “Battle Los Angeles” couldn’t use this tagline:  E.T. — Go Fuck Yourselves.

I guess the point I’m making is that Aaron Eckhart pretty much filled up my weekend, concluding on this fine and lovely Sunday with “The Core”, of which he was also sadly part of, but in fact, by having him in it was a saving grace from all the scenes with Hilary Swank trying to be butch and graceful under pressure.  Also of note:  I saw her in “Amelia” yesterday night, so I guess her want of needing to be a flying ace will always be in the backburner of her career.  That, and having short-cropped boyish haircuts.  God, make a sequel to “Boys Don’t Cry” already…

So in conclusion, hope you used your time more wisely than I did.  But if you didn’t, we can all get through this jet-lag crap together.  I for one and reaching for the online Netlfix.  And there’s plenty of room on the couch for you too…